Have you ever heard of attachment styles? It is, basically, the way adults behave and interact in their relationship. You may have noticed that people often say that all the problems come from childhood. The problems with your beloved ones are included in this list (read it sarcastically). It’s believed that our attachment style is established in the period of being infants and having some sort of relationship with our caregivers. In other words, it develops when we are completely young.
But before blaming your parents for your relationship problems, it’s worth mentioning that between infancy and adulthood a great deal of time has elapsed. The thing is that our attachment style significantly evolves over time and differs from the one we had in childhood. There were done number of researches to find out what big factor (parents’ divorce and whatnot) plays in the formation of attachment style. The best predictor of this style was the perception people had of the quality of their parents’ love for each other and for their child.
Basically, there are four main attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, anxious. You can identify your own style by taking online quizzes. This knowledge may help you to solve your romantic problems and find out why they happened. Also, you will learn how to become more secure in your relationship. According to a study at the University of Denver, 56% of participants have a secure attachment style while 25% had avoidant and 19% anxious/ambivalent.
Secure style. Main features
As a child, this type of person separates from parents, is happy when their parents return, seeks comfort from parents when they are afraid of something, is less aggressive and disruptive. As adults, these people have lasting and trusting relationships, have good self-esteem, effortlessly share feelings with friends and partners, seek out social support.
Ambivalent style. Main features
When being children, these people may be wary of strangers, get stressed when parents leave, don’t feel comfortable when parents return. As adults, they don’t want to become close with others, worry that their partner doesn’t love them, get really distressed when a relationship breaks up.
Avoidant style. Main features
These people may avoid parents when being children. They don’t seek out contact or support from their parents, show no preference between a parent and a complete stranger. When becoming adults, they may have problems with intimacy, may be emotionless in social and romantic relationships, reluctant to share their thoughts and feelings with others.
Anxious style. Main features
Such children show a lack of clear attachment behavior. Their actions are often a mix of different styles. It happens when kids are afraid of their parents and feel comfortable with them at the same time.
So, does your attachment style affect your current relationship? When you have a secure style, you may positively affect those with avoidant or ambivalent style. And yes, your style affects your behavior in relationships with people. And when you know it isn’t secure, at least, you know where to start moving from.